From Uncertainty to Determination?

2025-07-14

These days, I’ve been doing something that feels both exciting and exhausting—trying to get into a PhD program in Europe. Honestly, when I first started, I had no idea how complicated this would be. I thought, just send some emails and wait for replies, right? Well… no.

I wrote to a bunch of professors whose work I really admire. Some never replied, some said funding is tight. Every email felt like throwing a bottle into the ocean. And every time I saw “no funding available,” I had that sinking feeling. For a while, I wondered if I should just give up. Since my GPA and school suck soooo bad, a lot of people online kept saying I can hardly get a PhD position.

But I realized I can’t. I really want this. Not just a title, but the chance to work on bacteria, to understand how they adapt and spread, and evolution thereafter. So, I told myself: If it’s hard, then work harder. This might be the bravest and most proactive moment of my entire life.

Now, besides drafting research ideas and proposals, I’m also fighting another battle—English. I’ve been learning IELTS stuff again. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s just painful.

I don’t know how long this will take, or how many more emails I’ll send. But I know one thing: I’m not stopping.